Toast 2 Mom

Will I Miss Pretend Someday?

As my children grow older, there are already phases that I am missing. I still do my best to baby my baby. I have not hid the fact that I love the baby phase. I miss the extra snuggle time and the quiet cooing.

Another phase soon to end is the diaper phase. My baby is showing the signs of being ready for the potty. It will be nice to have her be independent in this way, but I've never minded diaper changes (too much). I've always used it as singing time or ABC time or counting time.

When my older daughter was little(r), though, I remember being excited about when she would get older and how we'd play in her playroom kitchen. I was also excited for the girls to get a dollhouse this year for Christmas. I always wanted a dollhouse; and I remember the hours of pretend dollhouse I used to play at friends' houses when I was a little girl.

For some reason, though, playing pretend with my older daughter is not what I thought it was going to be...and not as fun as I was hoping it would be...yet. In the past 24 hours, I have been told to play the role of Clara from the Nutcracker and also Ariel's mother. Pretend with my daughter is not this small session of fun. It's all...day...long.

I'm not alone in my discouragement over pretend play. Daddio and I both struggle to go along with all of the pretend rules. I think we've determined that sometimes pretend play is just a form of being bossy. Sydney is sweet as honey and a warm, caring individual, but when pretend play kicks in, the rules are set, the direction is given and it has to be just right. And this often leads me to wonder, how long will this phase last? And is this a phase that I am going to miss someday?

Interstate Turkey

Not a big fan of turkey, but oh how I can smell and almost taste those wonderful sides. The buttery potatoes, the sagey stuffing, the crunchy Frenchs onion topping on the glorious green bean casserole.
No other year have I been more eager for Thanksgiving than this year. I haven't celebrated turkey day with my family in years. When my husband and I married and lived in Omaha, we celebrated mostly with his family. While it was lovely, nothing beats the tradition you grew up with.
Our journey to embark in this gobble fest was supposed to be a 16 hour drive. Our first leg yesterday, suppoed to be 7.5 hours, ended up being just shy of 10 hours.
Today is a different story though. We have an open highway. The sun is shining. The tunes are happily getting us down the road.
Though it's quite a trek, and yesterday presented some challenges, there is much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for two of the best traveling children ever!!
I am thankful for a husband that is an excellent driver (while I blog and read celebrity gossip magazines).
I am thankful for Diet Coke - the perfect beverage after a less than average night of sleep in the hotel.
I am thankful for Vanna the van. Though I resisted buying her, I love her for all she provides, especially on long turkey trips.
I am thankful for Disney soundtracks and Chicago soundtracks for providing entertainment.
Lastly I am thankful in just a few hours we will be greeted by loving family, a warm home and delicious food!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Football Baby!

Sydney's first word was "touchdown". We're pretty sure that it had something to do with the fact that she was born on a college football Saturday.

Sydney asks to hear the story about the day she was born quite a bit. If you ask her, she'll know that she was born on a sunny day. She'll know that when she was born that was the happiest Daddio has ever seen Mommy. And she'll know that the evening she was born, Daddio held her and they listened to the Nebraska/Baylor football game on the radio in the hospital room.

Over the weekend, we had a little special anniversary of sorts. For the Nebraska/Baylor game, the day Syd was born, Nebraska played at Baylor, in Waco, Texas. This past weekend, Nebraska played Baylor again, back in Waco, the first time Nebraska has been back... since that sunny day over four years ago.

Instead of listening to the game on the radio, this time we all went in person!

Here is a picture of Daddio and Syd football bonding - October 15, 2005 -

 
And here is a picture of Daddio and Syd football bonding - October 31, 2009 -

One More Birthday Present

Now that Sydney is in pre-school a couple days a week, I get some one on one time with Cheekers. I rarely get any one on one time with Sydney anymore. I've missed that. For her birthday, I planned for the two of us to do something, just us.

A children's theatre here in town is putting on a performance of The Little Mermaid...perfect! Today was finally our Mommy and Sydney's Day Out! We went to the show this afternoon. It was a sort-of spin on the movie version. It had the same characters and similar storyline, with the twist of it being actors for a children's play, interacting with the audience. I thought it was adorable. I think Syd did too. She got a poster and "Ariel" signed it after the show.

Afterward, we decided to head further downtown for some yogurt. It was picture perfect afternoon. We sat outside on the picnic table and enjoyed our treat. When we got home, we painted our nails, colored her new poster and played some games in our latest Highlights magazine.

It was a super, duper, fantastic day! :)

 
 

That didn't get any easier...

Along with presents, parties, balloons and cake, turning four also means a trip to the doctor for a checkup. The first part of the check up was fairly fun. We got to see how much Sydney's grown in the past year. How much she weighs, where she ranks with other kids her age. The four year check up is an even bigger appointment than previous years. They took her blood pressure. They checked her vision and her hearing. They even took a urine sample at this visit. Such big girl things now!

Sydney took several trips to the doctor from the age of six months to two years old. We purchased lots of prescriptions for ear infections. She knew the sound and feel of that crinkle paper on the doctor's table...and wanted no part of it.

As she grew, fortunately, we visited the doctor less and less. So going to the doctor wasn't such a dreaded thing. It became sometimes fun, actually, when she would play with her doctor kit at home and then be able to relate it to the doctor's office.

There's not a parent alive, though, that doesn't dread trips to the doctor on the days when there are shots to be administered. I can't even articulate the uneasiness in my stomach before these appointments. A lot of it is irrational fear. The other part of it is knowing what you know and knowing what they don't know.

Shot visits were so very hard when my babies were little babies. But I'm not sure what is worse, a six month old getting shots or a four year old getting shots. Neither is fun. Neither is easy, but it's a toss up what is worse.

Prior to the nurse coming in today to give the shots, Daddio informed Sydney that she was going to be getting shots and that she'd have to be tough. Her response was, "Ok, but do I have to be happy about it or can I cry?"

The fact that she even thought about trying to be happy about it already brought some tears to my eyes. My happy girl wasn't going to be happy for long. The act wasn't pretty...but it didn't last long. The good news....no more shots until she's eleven.

Wow, eleven...that kind of makes me tear up too.

And Many More, Cha, Cha, Chaaaaaa

Today my beautiful girl turned four years old. It was a wonderful day to reflect on an even more wonderful day...when this girl entered our lives. It's just unreal how quickly the time goes by. I still remember struggling to put on her "come home from the hospital" outfit - so worried I'd break her. I remember her squeaky little cry. I recall the perfect way she preferred I sway her back and forth to calm her. I remember so clearly the way I propped my feet on the coffee table to form a V-shape with my legs and body for her to perfectly rest on me.

And here we are today... Happy Birthday my sweet bean!

Is it me?

One of the things about me and my mothering skills is that I feel very proud of my ability to be patient with my children and find ways to encourage them to do things they don't want to do in a calm, fun way, or not a forced way. At least I felt I had these skills until recently. Lately I've been having some challenges with my almost four year old.

For the most part I have used this writing space of mine as a place to discuss the joys and humor of motherhood and how my girls are the sparkles in my eyes. I have not wanted to write something for them to see later that might make them think I didn't like them or something. A part of me still chooses to keep this blog innocent. The other part of me thinks that's not really reality.

Reality is over time my girls are going to make me cry, be so angry I could spit and so frustrated I want to pull my hair out. And....well, I'm going to provide the same feelings to them. That is life. That is parenting. That is being a mother...and a mother of girls.

So with all of that said, lately I do not feel like I have a three year old. I feel like I have a thirteen year old....and it is frustrating the crap out of me. Maybe the only difference between now and ten years from now is that when my daughter makes me angry, she wants to give me a hug very soon after that incident. I don't see that happening later in life.

What I've been dealing with is constant (constant) debate, argument, stubbornness and drama. (Yes, I am aware I have daughters and that comes along with it.) Being at home now, and with my girls all day, every day and trying to get stuff done and trying to be productive and trying to keep them engaged and entertained and this and that is catching up to me.

This is really hard for me to write about because I don't like to feel needy or that I can't handle something or that I need a break. I begged for this opportunity to stay home, and the fact that I could complain at all doesn't feel right. But lately I wake up and my debates begin at breakfast over drinking milk and don't end until concluding that only one book will be read tonight, not two or three or four or five.

Not only is there debate all day, but I don't seem to be doing anything right anymore. My daughter loves to pretend and role-play. I do not enjoy this. I enjoy her creativity. I enjoy the dialog she comes up with. I do not enjoy getting my script and being told to do it again and again and again because I am not doing it right, I do not speak correctly, I apparently do not even breathe correctly.

I met a woman recently who has two daughters about the same ages I have, maybe a little older. She was telling me how she cannot wait for her baby to become the age of her older daughter. She said, "I really just don't enjoy motherhood with my baby. I really just don't feel like I'm going to 'shine' as a mother until they get a little older." This comment struck me hard. I feel just the opposite. I am scared to death to lose my babies. I thrive on the first three years. I'm worried my shining days are about to end....and what if I'm a horrible mother from here on out?

I'm not depressed. I don't feel defeated. I go through waves throughout the day. I'm just feeling a little lost and trying to search for my new game plan. I still love every bit of my girls, of course. I'm just wondering what happened to those skills I was rockin' a year or two ago when my oldest was throwing carrots at me or collapsing to the floor in the department store or screaming at the top of her lungs in Target. How could that possibly be easier to keep a happy face and a pleasant tone than what I'm dealing with today?

Is it me?