5.5

This isn't the first time I am going to write what I'm going to write....and it's definitely not going to be the last...

Today Sydney is 5 1/2. It's her half birthday, and we like those around here. But to be honest with you, it feels like now more than ever I just want to put a halt on birthdays all together. It's not that I don't like birthdays. And it's not that I don't like the celebration. I'm just particularly struggling lately with my girls growing so, so fast.

Motherhood is hard. It's hard in more ways than I ever realized. It's hard to balance. It's hard to teach It's hard to discipline. At a certain point with those things though, I think, ok, I can handle this or that. But what people do not talk about as often is how hard it is to watch each phase slip by so quickly.

I mean, yes, I've been warned, "oh parenthood is over in the blink of an eye." "Just wait how fast life will be when you have kids...." Etc. But when it comes to balancing and teaching and disciplining, there's an inner-feeling of how those challenges might be like or feel like. But when it comes to watching your kids grow, and having to let go - that feeling you just can't anticipate until it's happening......and it hurts so badly.

I don't know what is triggering me lately. Is it that my big girl got her picture taken this week in her gown for pre-school graduation? (Cue the waterworks people). And that's another thing, I never cried like this before kids!  Uh, darn this motherhood business! Why did I sign up for this role of frustration and tears and agony over the tick tock of the clock??

I'll tell you why, because being a mother is the single most awesome role I've ever had. And if I'm going to be honest here, I don't want the birthdays to stop because I want my kids to stop growing; I want them to stop because I feel my role slipping away. And I'm scared silly what I am possibly going to do next that will feel this rewarding and amazing.

Some people are reading this and thinking, aren't your kids 3 and 5? I mean that's hardly the age to think motherhood is over. True. But most days with these girls, I feel like I already have teenagers. They're so smart and so independent and....growing up!

And for years, pre-kids, I served many different roles, wore several hats, took personality tests to find the feeling in life that motherhood ultimately gave me right away....And it's a very short career.

So again, this hasn't been the first time I've written these woes....and it's far from the last. But it has been one of those weeks....

After school today, I took the girls to the mall... and we had a little photo booth fun! :) Because life goes by SO darn fast!

 
 

Comments

[Dayna]

LOVE the pictures!